Stay down to earth: you aren’t just a bride

It’s become apparent to me that quite a lot of people start referring to themselves as ‘the bride’. Although there’s absolutely no issue with that, I’ve been reflecting recently on how this could change you when you become ‘the bride’ in ‘wedding mode’ following your engagement.

I have been thinking about the language we use when we get engaged and enter ‘wedding mode’. As a psychology graduate and teacher, I know all about how people change their behaviour dependent upon the role they are in (even if this role isn’t even real – thinking about Zimbardo’s prison experiment). Now I know this isn’t that extreme, but it really got me thinking about how we respond and behave in situations, depending on the role we identify with.

To put it into context, I was planning a get together with both of my bridesmaids. This didn’t end up happening because one of them is having a difficult time at the minute. Now, this wasn’t an issue for me, all that matters is that she is ok. I ditched the whole ‘team bride’ mentality and my focus turned to letting her know I am there for her. I got thinking about how brides in mega planning mode would have reacted. Maybe they would have been fine (which I’m hoping most would be as this is one of the most important girls in your life, which is why you picked her). But, I’m pretty sure that there would be some bridezillas who would have adopted the ‘I’m the bride and this is the most important thing’ mentality, which is a real shame.

So reflecting on this, I’m glad my whole identity hasn’t been sucked up by ‘the bride’ mentality. I’m still a sister/sister-in-law to be and friend to them both, no matter whether we are bride and bridesmaids or what. I’m not just the bride, and they aren’t just my bridesmaids. We are all human, and have things going on, and people can’t jump to your tune because you have a wedding to plan. I think it’s important to remember that to avoid becoming bridezilla. I’d like to think I’m quite bridechilla, and I want to stay that way right up until we are married. It’s important to stay down to earth and to remember that although the wedding is important, not to get too caught up in it all. I really hope I stay down to earth through out it all, I think I will. Hopefully remembering what is important and keeping everything in perspective will keep me in budget too (hahaha).

So after all of that, it’s got me thinking, are bridezillas caused by the role they take on, their personality or a mix of the two? Or can we all be bridezillas in different ways?

Disadvantages of a wedding abroad

Last week I wrote about the advantages of a wedding abroad. This week I’m going to discuss the disadvantages. Some of these are specific to me, and others are things to consider. Personally, I feel that the advantages outweigh the cons, but they are things that can impact, nevertheless.

  1. Friends and family may not be able to make it
    Whatever the reason for it, whether they can’t afford it or a grandparent is too old to travel. This is one of the main factors to think of. There will always be someone who can’t make it, but is that a sacrifice you are willing to make?
  2. You may upset people you don’t invite
    This is the case in the UK or abroad, but even more so when you’re being selective on having a smaller wedding, which is more likely the case abroad.
  3. Wedding Fairs aren’t as necessary 
    So this isn’t a biggie, but it’s a nice one to do with bridesmaids! Going to local fairs can be a waste of time when you don’t need local suppliers. National ones can be better as a bit of fun, but wedding planning isn’t a part of it.
  4. Your honeymoon could be surrounded by friends and family 
    Some people may not mind this, but personally I’d like this time for me and Scott, so we will probably head elsewhere a couple of days after the wedding.
  5. Less flexibility and possibly less control 
    You can’t be there to decorate the venue with your decorations, and create your own vision. You have to ensure your planner knows what you want, and leave it in their hands. For some this may be fine, but for a planning freak like myself this feels slightly uneasy. Some planners may also try to change your vision into theirs, so be careful of that and stick with what you want and your budget! It’s also difficult to find suppliers, view venues, try cake etc. when sat at home in the UK.
  6. Putting your trust into make up artists and hair dressers
    You may know exactly what you want in the UK, but it can become a worry as to whether your chosen artists and stylists can recreate what you want when you’re abroad, with only a trial before the day at best.
  7. Extra costs 
    Although it may seem cheaper to get married abroad, you have to take into account the cost of your wedding planner, which you wouldn’t necessarily have in the UK. In addition, flights, hotel and spending money. Also, some have a second reception back in the UK.
  8. Leaving the EU
    Not saying this will impact weddings abroad, but there is a possibility (who knows at this stage?) It’s definitely had a negative impact on the exchange rate for Euros at the time of this post too.

The advantages of a wedding abroad

Although it was an obvious choice to get married in Italy for me, there are so many advantages of getting married abroad, for anyone who may be considering it. I may also do a disadvantages post, because there are some! Like with anything, it’s about weighing up the pros and cons, and whats important to you. In this post I’m going to talk about what some of the major pros were for us.

  1. Less guests
    For anyone wanting a smaller wedding, a wedding abroad really helps with keeping the guest list down. We will be having approximately 40 guests (as it stands).But having a wedding abroad really helps when you don’t want to invite certain people because you feel you have to. We’re keeping it to close friends and family only, and being strict on that. Plus, guests who really care for you will pay to travel to be there.
  2.  Easier to select the wedding party
    By this I mean bridesmaids, groomsmen etc. Because again, only close friends/family will be involved and pay to go abroad. I personally selected our sisters as bridesmaids not only for the fact they are my sisters, but I didn’t want my friends to feel obliged to come as bridesmaids if they felt they couldn’t afford it. I feel that being strict on guests helps you to be stricter on the wedding party.
  3. Guaranteed good weather *touch wood*
    I say guaranteed, but by this I mean it’s a lot more guaranteed than a wedding in the UK! And when the suns out, everything feels so much better doesn’t it? 🙂
  4. Your wedding is something different 
    Depending on what you want and where you go, your wedding can be more unique than the typical British wedding. Because of this, photos can be really different and amazing!
  5. It can be cheaper (sometimes) 
    Again, this depends on where you go and what it is you want. There is the added cost of your flights and hotel, but if you have less guests it can be a lot cheaper than at home. Just be careful not to get carried away, or it would be cheaper to have a UK wedding.
  6. Better quality
    In Sorrento, I feel like I’m guaranteed better quality than I am in the UK, in terms of food and drink. Everything always tastes a lot fresher and I don’t feel stuck with the traditional UK wedding food. I can’t say this for all weddings abroad, but I feel happy that going with cheaper menu options I will still get good quality food. In this aspect, I’d say its a good idea to visit your venues and destination first.
  7. A holiday for the whole family 
    It will be nice to have close friends and family all in one place on holiday. It will create happy memories for everyone, and guests can turn the occasion into a holiday.
  8. Stress free planning 
    When getting married abroad the majority of people hire a planner. They can have varying levels of involvement, but it can be reassuring to know someone else is watching over the flow of the day and making sure things are going smoothly. This avoids you having to tackle any issues on the day.