Stay down to earth: you aren’t just a bride

It’s become apparent to me that quite a lot of people start referring to themselves as ‘the bride’. Although there’s absolutely no issue with that, I’ve been reflecting recently on how this could change you when you become ‘the bride’ in ‘wedding mode’ following your engagement.

I have been thinking about the language we use when we get engaged and enter ‘wedding mode’. As a psychology graduate and teacher, I know all about how people change their behaviour dependent upon the role they are in (even if this role isn’t even real – thinking about Zimbardo’s prison experiment). Now I know this isn’t that extreme, but it really got me thinking about how we respond and behave in situations, depending on the role we identify with.

To put it into context, I was planning a get together with both of my bridesmaids. This didn’t end up happening because one of them is having a difficult time at the minute. Now, this wasn’t an issue for me, all that matters is that she is ok. I ditched the whole ‘team bride’ mentality and my focus turned to letting her know I am there for her. I got thinking about how brides in mega planning mode would have reacted. Maybe they would have been fine (which I’m hoping most would be as this is one of the most important girls in your life, which is why you picked her). But, I’m pretty sure that there would be some bridezillas who would have adopted the ‘I’m the bride and this is the most important thing’ mentality, which is a real shame.

So reflecting on this, I’m glad my whole identity hasn’t been sucked up by ‘the bride’ mentality. I’m still a sister/sister-in-law to be and friend to them both, no matter whether we are bride and bridesmaids or what. I’m not just the bride, and they aren’t just my bridesmaids. We are all human, and have things going on, and people can’t jump to your tune because you have a wedding to plan. I think it’s important to remember that to avoid becoming bridezilla. I’d like to think I’m quite bridechilla, and I want to stay that way right up until we are married. It’s important to stay down to earth and to remember that although the wedding is important, not to get too caught up in it all. I really hope I stay down to earth through out it all, I think I will. Hopefully remembering what is important and keeping everything in perspective will keep me in budget too (hahaha).

So after all of that, it’s got me thinking, are bridezillas caused by the role they take on, their personality or a mix of the two? Or can we all be bridezillas in different ways?


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Becoming Team Mills

Maria and Scott from Yorkshire, planning our Italian wedding in Sorrento.

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