Stay down to earth: you aren’t just a bride

It’s become apparent to me that quite a lot of people start referring to themselves as ‘the bride’. Although there’s absolutely no issue with that, I’ve been reflecting recently on how this could change you when you become ‘the bride’ in ‘wedding mode’ following your engagement.

I have been thinking about the language we use when we get engaged and enter ‘wedding mode’. As a psychology graduate and teacher, I know all about how people change their behaviour dependent upon the role they are in (even if this role isn’t even real – thinking about Zimbardo’s prison experiment). Now I know this isn’t that extreme, but it really got me thinking about how we respond and behave in situations, depending on the role we identify with.

To put it into context, I was planning a get together with both of my bridesmaids. This didn’t end up happening because one of them is having a difficult time at the minute. Now, this wasn’t an issue for me, all that matters is that she is ok. I ditched the whole ‘team bride’ mentality and my focus turned to letting her know I am there for her. I got thinking about how brides in mega planning mode would have reacted. Maybe they would have been fine (which I’m hoping most would be as this is one of the most important girls in your life, which is why you picked her). But, I’m pretty sure that there would be some bridezillas who would have adopted the ‘I’m the bride and this is the most important thing’ mentality, which is a real shame.

So reflecting on this, I’m glad my whole identity hasn’t been sucked up by ‘the bride’ mentality. I’m still a sister/sister-in-law to be and friend to them both, no matter whether we are bride and bridesmaids or what. I’m not just the bride, and they aren’t just my bridesmaids. We are all human, and have things going on, and people can’t jump to your tune because you have a wedding to plan. I think it’s important to remember that to avoid becoming bridezilla. I’d like to think I’m quite bridechilla, and I want to stay that way right up until we are married. It’s important to stay down to earth and to remember that although the wedding is important, not to get too caught up in it all. I really hope I stay down to earth through out it all, I think I will. Hopefully remembering what is important and keeping everything in perspective will keep me in budget too (hahaha).

So after all of that, it’s got me thinking, are bridezillas caused by the role they take on, their personality or a mix of the two? Or can we all be bridezillas in different ways?

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Bride Rant #1: Our ‘long’ engagement

I think I’ve come to a stage now where there’s just nothing I can do, and I feel the need to have a rant. Is bridezilla emerging already? haha!
Officially, we’re about 2 years and 8 months away (although as we are in 2017, and the wedding is in 2019, I like to say 2 years away!). It’s hard at the minute because we can’t book our ceremony date until next year. That’s just how it works in Sorrento unfortunately, you can’t book a wedding until the year before. This is what’s really annoying me, as I like to be organised and plan things! With this there’s literally nothing I can do! I’m a massive planning and organisation freak, and to me this is torture! It’s like waiting I’m waiting for the go ahead. I already have ideas of what I want, but that’s literally all it can be right now.

Scott hasn’t visited Sorrento yet either. This is massively annoying to me right now! I can’t help but feel excited, but that’s because I know Sorrento and I can visualise it all. For him, he feels it’s really hard to picture at the minute. This really puts a downer on my excitement because I feel he isn’t excited with me. He does try his best though bless him, and he keeps buying me a wedding magazine here and there. I like to chat about the wedding but to him its a total no go at the minute. Not only because he can’t visualise our wedding at a place he has never visited, but because he probably doesn’t care less about colour schemes and types of flowers. I’d chat with my bridesmaids about it, but I know they’re busy at the minute and I also don’t want to start boring them 2 years away from the wedding.

I literally can’t wait until June. Scott feels excited to visit Sorrento and view venues, and I just feel excited to be able to finally share it all with him! I would say my best childhood memories are of being in Italy with my family and being able to show him where part of my roots are is just going to be the best feeling.

If anyone reading this is also like me and likes to plan things and be organised, but literally is unable to be that way right now, here are a few things I’ve done which can fill some of your time. Top tip: Try to space it out so it lasts longer! It’s difficult.

  1. Engagement party/ meal
  2. Asking your bridesmaids (a chance to get creative!)
  3. Researching and contacting wedding planners
  4. Researching venues
  5. Visiting the destination & venues
  6. PINTEREST! (a massive one!)
  7. Setting a budget
  8. Creating a draft guest list
  9. Enjoy it! Watch programmes like ‘Don’t tell the Bride’ ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ and read wedding magazines
  10. Wedding fairs
  11. Create a blog! (I know, I’m really scraping the barrel..)

Doing these things can save you time in the long run, like doing research in advance. However, its a double edged sword in the way that it just makes you want to power on and continue on with the planning. I sometimes wish I wasn’t a planning freak.

Maria xo